Forgiveness Myth 14: Forgiveness Can Only Take Place if They Ask for Forgiveness

Welcome to Forgiveness Myth 14: Forgiveness can only take place if they ask for forgiveness. I’m really happy that this isn’t true or I would be still sitting around waiting for a bunch of people who hurt me to come and ask for forgiveness.

In a perfect world, the person who hurt you would feel bad about what they did and come to you and ask for forgiveness. That way you would know they were sorry for what they did and wanted to make things right.

But What if They Won't Ask to be Forgiven?

But what can you do if the person who hurt you is unable or unwilling to ask for forgiveness? Here are some possible situations: 

• What can you do if the person who hurt you has passed away and will never be able to come and ask you to forgive them? 

• What do you do when the person is mad at you and flat-out refuses to ask for forgiveness?

• What about the person who believes you got what you deserve and therefore will not ask you to forgive them?

• What about the one that doesn’t believe they’ve done anything wrong and there is no need to come to you seeking forgiveness?

• What about the person who doesn’t even know that they hurt you?

Forgive Like Jesus Forgave

The Bible gives us some insight into forgiving those who are unwilling to seek forgiveness. When Jesus was on the cross, nailed between two thieves, He looked at those who crucified Him and said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). He was forgiving those who crucified Him, the rulers scoffing at Him, and the soldiers mocking Him.

As crazy as it sounds, Jesus was asking God to forgive those who were killing Him. Yet, that is what forgiveness is all about. It has nothing to do with the person’s willingness to change. It has everything to do with us and our hearts toward God.

Forgive!

Unforgiveness is all about your attitude toward another person. It negatively affects you and your relationship with God. It can actually cause you emotional torment. Listen to what the word of God says about forgiveness.

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:13-14)

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive your trespasses. (Mark 11:25)

Neither of the verses suggests in any way that someone has to come to you and ask for forgiveness in order for you to forgive them. Forgiveness is to be a lifestyle. What would it be like if every time you prayed you stopped to see if there was someone you needed to forgive? That would be amazing.

Jesus wants you to forgive others as He forgives others. Unforgiveness harms you and keeps the anger and pain alive in your heart. It allows the anger to simmer until it turns into bitterness and defiles many.

Jesus wants you to forgive as you have been forgiven. He even says that unforgiveness will stand in the way of your own forgiveness. Matthew says that if you refuse to forgive, God will not forgive you. Mark says to forgive those who hurt you so you can be forgiven.

Give it to the Lord

Forgiveness is a step of obedience and trust in the Lord Jesus. He is the one telling you to forgive. He is the one showing you the benefits of forgiving the one who hurt you.

If you’re harboring any unforgiveness in your heart, it’s time to get rid of it. Now is the time to forgive. Stop waiting for the person to come to you and ask for forgiveness. Forgive them immediately, and receive your own forgiveness.

Keeping your heart right with God is more important than holding on to an offense that only harms you. Thank the Lord for His incredible gift of forgiveness and release those who hurt you.