Welcome to Forgiveness Myth 22: Forgiveness Means Letting Them Off the Hook.
To Forgive Feels Wrong
It’s a terrible feeling deep inside your gut that eats away at you. It nags you and will not go away. That’s why it’s so hard for you to forgive the one who hurt you. It just doesn’t seem right. It seems like if you forgive him or her you’ll be letting them off the hook and they’ll never have to answer for what they did to you.
Here you sit dealing with the consequences of what she did and she will go away scot-free. It’s not right. It’s not fair. In your heart and mind, you cry out for justice. You want to see her get what she deserves.
What you’re feeling is quite normal. What you want is right and fair, But, as so often is the case, we often do not get the satisfaction of seeing justice take place. That’s what makes forgiveness so difficult. That’s what makes this myth have such a stronghold upon the hearts of so many people. It’s not right.
You Want Justice
You’re made in the image of God. I believe that deep within the heart of each person they know how life should be lived and they know what is right and wrong. God has placed within each one a strong desire for justice. It is built-in.
When we’re wronged, we know it should be made right. Someone should do something to correct the situation. They should not get away with what they’ve done. Since nothing is happening to right the wrong, you feel justified in your refusal to forgive them. You may even have feelings of ill will toward them hoping something bad will happen to make them pay.
Your thought process may go something like this. Since they hurt me, they deserve what they get. You feel somehow that your feelings of revenge are justified. You have a right to think and feel the way you do, but you don’t.
Does Forgiveness Let Them Off the Hook?
Let’s look at the myth that says if you forgive someone you are letting them off the hook. It may be true if you forget to bring God into the picture. Without God, they could very possibly get off the hook and never feel one consequence for what they’ve done to you.
The good news is that God is in the picture. He is the one who will ensure that justice will be served. He is the one that will hold every single person who ever lived on the face of the earth accountable for every single deed they have ever done. Nothing will escape His watchful eye.
Sometimes God will deal with a person immediately and bring them to repentance resulting in them coming and asking for forgiveness and seeking to make things right. At other times, it may seem that they are living happily and free and not paying a single consequence for what they have done. That is where faith comes into play.
You have to believe that God has your back. You have to trust that He’ll bring justice for the wrongs done against you, so you can freely release and forgive the one who hurt you.
In one sense you are letting them off the hook. You are choosing to forgive them and let them off your hook understanding that God will avenge you. He will ensure they pay full price for what they have done.
19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written: “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. (Romans 12:19)
Forgiveness Frees You
Forgiveness is an act of trust in God that frees you from the one who hurt you. Unforgiveness binds you to the person. To use the idea of today’s myth. Unforgiveness keeps the one who hurt you on your hook which they can tug and pull on at any time. Unforgiveness keeps you connected to the person in a negative way from which you’ll never be free until you let them off the hook.
Unforgiveness keeps the wrong in your heart, the pain fresh, and negatively affects your health. Letting them off the hook actually frees you to let go of the wrong, receiving healing in your heart, and health in your body,
If God never brings justice to your situation in your lifetime, He eventually will. Here is what the word of God says will take place at the end of the age when Christ returns to set all things straight.
11 Then I saw a great white throne and Him who sat upon it, from whose presence earth and heaven fled, and no place was found for them. 12 And I saw the dead, the great and the small, standing before the throne, and books were opened; and another book was opened, which is the book of life; and the dead were judged from the things which were written in the books, according to their deeds. 13 And the sea gave up the dead who were in it, and Death and Hades gave up the dead who were in them; and they were judged, each one of them according to their deeds. (Revelation 20:11-13)
Are you holding anyone on your hook of unforgiveness? Now is the time the let them off the hook and let God deal with them.
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