Seven Barriers to Emotional Healing Part 1

You've experienced it. I've experienced it. We've all experienced deep, emotional pain. Someone did or said something that hurt. Now the question is how am I going to get over this pain?

That's the million dollar question that many would like to know. The payoff is a healed heart and peace of mind. It's what everyone is looking for.

We long for peace. We know that life is supposed to be better than it is. If we could, we would live in a pain-free bubble where people couldn't hurt us. All we want to do is live our lives in peace and tranquility.

If we could wish our pain away, it would be gone. But that's not the way life works on this planet, but God has a solution. He has a way to heal your broken heart.

He sent Jesus to bear our sorrows and griefs. We can come to Jesus and work through every painful situation that we've ever faced.

While this is great news, not everyone is experiencing his healing touch in their lives. I've identified seven common barriers that get in the way of receiving God's gracious gift of healing our broken emotions.

We Take Comfort in It

As strange as it may sound, you can sometimes take comfort in the pain you're feeling thinking it's the right thing to do.

Jana gives birth to a slightly premature 6 lb. 8 oz. boy. Dillon is given a clean bill of health by the doctor and sent home after only three days in the hospital.

Jana happily brings Dillion into the nursery she's been preparing for his arrival. Her heart soars with joy that this time there was no miscarriage and the baby sleeping in her arms was proof that they had made it this time.

Week after week Jana rejoices that Dillon is doing so well. She loves to count his tiny fingers and toes every time she changes his diaper. It was becoming a tradition.

She was so happy when Dillion started sleeping through the night. It only took him six months. That wasn't the fastest she had heard, but it certainly wasn't the slowest. It was just right for Dillion.

One morning Jana walks into the nursery. "Wake up, Dillon, It's time for your morning bottle. She grabs a diaper off the stand by the crib and touches him. He doesn't move. His body seems cold. In terror, she lifts Dillon out of the crib and puts her ear to his mouth to see if he's breathing. Nothing. She lifts his chest to ear to see if she can hear a heartbeat. Nothing.

Tears begin to flow down her cheeks as she realizes that Dillon is dead. A victim of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. "But he was so healthy. He was doing so well, thought Jana.

Jana's grief was inconsolable. No matter what her husband Bob did, nothing would help. She often breaks down in tears at the least thought of Dillon. She loved that little boy with all of her heart.

As the years passed, Jana's grief remained the same. When she told the story of little Dillon's death it was as if it were last week. People couldn't understand why Jana was so sad. If only they could see into her head and see the thought process that stopped her heart from healing.

Jana thought that a good mother would never get over the death of her child. She felt that if the sorrow went away that meant that she was forgetting Dillon and that her love for him was waning.

She took great comfort in the fact that she loved Dillon as strongly now ten years after his death as she did when death took him from her. She could prove it by the tears she shed and anguish of her heart at the thought of Dillon.

There are those around us who are living in quiet despair. Their hearts are deeply wounded and they have absolutely zero hope that things will change.

There's been a pattern that plays over and over in their life. Every relationship they start ends in broken promises and broken dreams. They've come to expect it, so it doesn't come as a surprise when the next person leaves them more broken than they found them.

This is what I call a victim spirit. It's a passive spirit that believes it is impossible to do anything to change the way life is. I just have to accept the cards that have been dealt to me.

What even makes the situation worse is that the person constantly speaks death into their relationships. "Everyone in my life has left me, when are you gonna leave?" They can become clingy in an attempt to keep the person near them. Always wanting to know where they are going and when they will be back home. Always wanting to have the person's attention.

They have a very strong need for love and attention. So much so that you can almost feel the need. The need is like a black hole that sucks the life out of anyone who is near. It's like a neon sign on their forehead blinking, "Love me. Please, love me."

Because they are so needy and looking for acceptance, they have very little to offer the person in the relationship. It's all about them. It's all about meeting their need.

Soon the inevitable happens and the person leaves seeking someone in which to have a real relationship.

This barrier is a mountain in the mind of the person believing it. They believe that they need someone to come and rescue them, rather than learn to stand in the name of Jesus and take authority over the victim spirit and begin to make choices that will change their life.

Helplessness is a learned state of mind. It takes time to beat it into a person's head. Maybe you've heard of the massive elephant being held by a rope and a stake in the ground. The elephant could easily pull the stake out and go wherever it wanted to go but doesn't because of the ingrained training in its brain.

When the elephant is a baby the trainer ties a rope around its leg and lets it tug and pull all it wants. It is too small to pull the stake out of the ground.

Despite this, the baby elephant tries and tries and tries to break free. His leg becomes raw from the chafing of the rope going taut over and over again. Soon it learns that there is no way to get free. The elephant becomes passive and every time there is a little pressure on the rope the elephant ceases to pull.

Fast forward to years and tons of weight later. The same elephant moves around and stops when he feels pressure on the rope. The limitations are not real. It's the mind of the elephant that holds it in bondage. The learned helplessness of the elephant is the only thing keeping it from freedom.

In the same manner, the mind of the victim is the only thing keeping them from pursuing freedom. Jesus desires to lead them into His victory and teach them His way of living.

We Feel We Deserve It

There are also those around us that embrace pain because they feel that they deserve it. They have done something wrong and now feel that they are getting what they have coming to them.

The contributing factor behind this mindset is major feelings of guilt for past actions. They've done something wrong and they know it, so it comes as no surprise that they're experiencing the pain they have.

The problem with this mindset is that the person thinks that if they suffer enough they can somehow pay for what they did. The pain may bring some temporary relief from the feelings of guilt but they never go away.

There is only one way to get rid of guilt, bringing your sin before Jesus and allowing Him to forgive you. Some still struggle to receive forgiveness from Jesus thinking that they have not paid enough for their sin. The guilt feelings hang on and they seek some way to pay for what they have done.

Jose had several affairs during his marriage. His wife, Marge, finally caught him and everything came into the open.

Jose begged Marge to forgive him, but she couldn't. All the years of their married life he had been with other women when he said he was working late. It was so humiliating and demeaning that Marge went straight to the lawyer and filed for divorce.

Jose sits in a cheap hotel thinking over all that he'd done. How could I cheat on Marge? She is such a good woman. She loves me and I cheated on her over and over again.

I deserve to be sitting in this hotel all by myself. I deserve losing the house that we bought together. I deserve to have my wages garnished to support her. I was the one who did wrong. I was the one who caused all my own sorrows.

I can never forgive myself for what I have done. I am so ashamed. I'm so bad. I deserve worse than I am getting.  "I can't believe I did what I did. Feelings of self-hatred also combine to make this self-destructive mindset.

This mindset is definitely a barrier keeping people from personal freedom. To break this barrier Jose must receive forgiveness from God and stop trying to pay for his sin. He must give it all to Jesus.

Check back next week for part 2.